Update for the day post healing with Stephen – no pain. My energy is up. My mind is starting to clear significantly and I’m getting back to feeling like myself again. I decided to put off the official review a little longer as I see how many things get better. He only worked on my facial issue but I’m seeing drastic results everywhere. I am working on nutrition and using a device a friend of mine invented as well, but only began after Stephen’s session.
I am going to say all of this just to stress how drastic this has been and how quickly this healing worked. I have been to several different types of healers in the past and can assure you I had zero results and told them afterwards as politely as possible. I wouldn’t will this to work or lie about it. I would politely just tell Stephen it didn’t work and leave it between us just like I did the other wonderful healers who tried to help me in the past. Is it permanent? I hope so but only time will tell.
November 1 to January I have left my house less than half a dozen times. My pain level shot through the roof and my energy level declined to the point I was barely getting out of bed. I haven’t seen any of my children in months. I’ve only talked to them on the phone. They know I don’t feel well but have no idea how bad it got. I’m not good at asking for help for myself and hate the idea of being perceived as weak. An example of how far I take this is I have had paid people to take me to surgeries and bring me home to keep from involving my family. My children didn’t even know of most of the surgeries. My husband did but I didn’t want him to have to miss work and put him out so he hasn’t attended all of them. I have ridden the local transit bus to medical appointments to keep from asking my family or friends for help. I will go without eating or grab something like fruit or packaged food rather than ask someone to fix me something to eat. My pattern is to just go to bed with my pets and find things to distract from the pain until it passes. This time it just wasn’t passing but I haven’t been getting my medical procedures to block the pain and have been trying to eliminate all medication so it isn’t exactly shocking my pain is worse. It is shocking it got better with minimal medical assistance – I still have a few medications I take when needed but fully intend to heal and be off medications at some point.
Even with medical assistance of the ganglion nerve blocks and pain medications, I usually keep a pair of sunglasses on my head at all times because the wind/light can trigger my eyelid and facial pain. I rarely wear shoes with socks. I wear flip flop sandals because the nerve pain in my feet is too painful to wear them. My back has been too painful to even touch lightly for a few years. I’ve had so little energy that I’ve barely been out of bed and my mind has been so foggy that I can’t think straight or remember even simple things.
During my last doctor visit it was suggested that I get retested for MS. My central nervous system is shot and not getting better after years of medical help.
Nerve pain is hard to imagine if you haven’t felt it but it feels like an electric fence is shocking you or fire ants are biting you. In the bottom of the feet it feels like you are walking on a raw nerve. Anyone who has been to the dentist and had a filling – if they touched a nerve – that jolt. That is nerve pain. One jolt won’t kill you or effect you much but it isn’t one jolt. It is jolts that come in waves – like if someone pushed a button, let go, then pushed it again. It can go on for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. That kind of pain ongoing leads to headaches, moodiness, no energy, etc….. It just spirals out of control. I have other issues as well but the nerve pain is the most debilitating.
I don’t get this kind of relief from my facial pains with the Ganglion Nerve Blocks and medications I was getting last year. I spent the last year converting all I can to holistic, trying to eliminate all the medical things because they aren’t working. I wanted to try something else that would do more than treat symptoms and here we are – increased pain, decreased energy and struggling not to run back to the medical professionals who can’t assure me.
My nerve pain has only ever been relieved for about 2-3 months. This well twice and the doctors don’t know why it went into some kind of remission. Whatever they did or I did was an accident. It has always came back so that is my hesitation of getting my hopes up but I know how important belief is so am trying to stay positive and trust I am cured. I have seen visions of myself healthy again so I know I will be cured. I’m just scared to fully believe it and working on getting passed the fear of it not happening.
Assuming I am cured, I want to maintain the results and do my part to make sure it doesn’t come back while I have the energy and mind-set. I finished the detox. It didn’t go as well as planned but wasn’t a complete disaster. I can feel improvements for sure. I can say with certainty that vegan isn’t for me yet. I like to eat and need the food to taste good enough to eat. I admittedly can do much better with my diet but can’t go vegan. That is clear just with the detox. My body isn’t having it and I’m not willing to gag stuff down to the point I’m throwing up so it is what it is. I want to heal but I have my limitations for now. Maybe I’ll work up to it but its doubtful. If it hadn’t snowed today I would have went to a steak house and eaten a whole cow following that detox. I settled for grilled chicken with steamed vegetables. Husband Darren had pizza so the detox did work in clearing my cravings. Or throwing up so much did it. We’ll see.
I have to add that I have talked to Wendy on the telephone. I talked to Stephen on the telephone. I reached out and talked to a Facebook friend for several hours for the first time last night – after years of chatting online. I went to a town meeting and have gotten actively involved in local politics. I can count on one hand how many people I’ve talked to on the phone other than my family in the past few years. I don’t do it. Its very rare. I can count even less as to how many people I’ve let into my personal space and I am now involved in two local political groups – up close, face to face, in person.
I have accepted help from Kenneth, Stephen, Wendy, Dr. Harlow, several Facebook friends and my husband. None of them guilted me or left me feeling like I now owe them something. I had a conversation with my husband and explained to him what I need from him and he stepped up immediately and started helping me. I might talk to the kids too but since they are all grown and moved out, probably not as long as I heal. If I end up needing help from them I intend to ask for it from now on.
I’m actually a little tearful now because I’m seeing that I had this amazing support system around me all this time and I’ve chosen to isolate myself and try to handle the tough part of life alone. This is the kind of love I show to people in need all the time and now I’m one of the people needing it. I hated feeling like I was losing the independence I worked so hard to gain after my disability and I don’t feel like that anymore. In my life there has only been a few people I trust enough to ask for help or accept it and even that was limited to what I would let anyone do. I see now that it is my issue, not theirs. It screams victim, not strength. I suspect its the lesson I needed to learn and part of the reason for this health issue in the first place.
I am starting to love people as much as I love animals and am seeing how kind people can be. Its not an empathy love that I’ve always had in the past. Its a genuine, trusting love like what I have with animals. I never, in a million years, could have imagined feeling it toward people, even my family if I am to be honest. I’m similar to a feral cat that tries to trust but never fully gets the fight or flight response to go away. Their instinct is always to be ready to flee. I consider myself very fortunate to have people around me that have loved me despite my mistrust of humanity. I see how many have been offering help to me for a long time and wanting to show me the love I’ve shown to so many others. Its an amazing feeling and will be a huge part of why I heal.